Just weeks ago, creative internet users were busy dreaming up the fictional nation of Listenbourg.
Now, a new viral sensation has well and truly taken over the internet, with millions coming together to create a fictional film titled Goncharov (1973).
The film, supposedly directed by Martin Scorsese, is being touted as the greatest mafia movie of all time.
Within just days, the film has earned itself posters, a script, a soundtrack and several official trailers.
This may be the internet’s most intense fever dream yet. Here’s what you need to know about the phenomenon that is Goncharov (1973).
How it all started
As with the phenomenon that was Listenbourg, Goncharov was born from humble beginnings.
Back in August 2020, a Tumblr user by the name ‘loseremo’ shared a picture of knock-off boots that had a very unusual label.
The label mentions ‘Goncharov’, a movie about “the Naples Mafia”, presented by Martin Scorsese, produced by Domenico Proacci, and directed by Matteo JWHJ0715.
“I got these knock-off boots online and instead of the brand name on the tag they have the name of an apparently nonexistent Martin Scorsese movie??? what the f–,” they wrote in confusion.
“This idiot hasn’t seen Goncharov,” another user responded.
And, as the internet usually does, it ran with the idea.
Building the world of Goncharov
Still confused? Alright, let us explain.
Goncharov (1973) is basically a massive game of ‘Yes, and…’
And as you may remember from any high school improv acting classes, the one rule in improv is that you can’t say no.
So, the internet has run amuck with the idea of Goncharov, with users all over the world creating plot points and fine details for the non-existent movie.
Almost every detail of the film’s plot is intricately documented in a 70-page-long Google Doc, which is available to the public and curated by a team of contributors.
As for the film’s actual plot, it’s an adaption of a little-known book series about a gang of Russian mobsters, set in Naples, Italy.
The mob boss, by the name of Goncharov, is played by a young Robert de Niro.
According to Goncharov historians, the mobster was banished from Russia, and sent to Italy.
He was initiated into the mob along with Andrey ‘The Banker’ Daddano (Harvey Keitel), who serves as de Niro’s rival, partner and love interest.
But despite romantic tensions with his rival, Goncharov is married to Katya (Cybill Shepherd), who is a trained Russian spy.
Katya also has a second love interest, Sofia, played by Sofia Loren.
Academy Award-winner Gene Hackman plays Valery Michailov, Katya’s brother, who is hell-bent on revenge following the death of his father.
Al Pacino also has top billing, playing Mario Ambrosini, the occasionally-witty henchman to psychotic killer Joseph ‘Ice Pick Joe’ Morelli (John Cazale).
@sublime_outta_time love is stored in Ice Pick Joe #goncharov #icepickjoe #cosplay #goncharov1973 #joemorelli #icepickjoecosplay #goncharovcosplay #unreality ♬ original sound – insecure god complex
Key moments
The film also has entire plot lines, ‘iconic’ scenes and beloved quotes.
In the ‘Fruit Stand’ scene, for example, Katya and Sofia travel through a market, and Katya hands Sofia an apple, supposedly a reference to their bubbling romance. ‘Forbidden fruit’, if you will.
One of the film’s most iconic quotes is from its ‘Clocktower’ scene, in which Goncharov confronts Andrey, and points a gun in his direction.
Rather than react, Andrey calmly lights a cigarette and says: “Time is something you can’t stop, Goncharov.”
@benedicttown Gets me every time 😢 #goncharov #scorsese ♬ original sound – kevin hackett
Another of the beloved scenes is known as ‘Anchovies’.
“Andrey and Goncharov discuss how the ‘old ways’ of pizza must be respected, how the ‘new progressive’ ways of pizza should be considered, and whether ‘anchovies’ are really so bad, if it’s a matter of taste,” says the Google Doc.
There are many more scenes for us to unpack, of course, but I’ll leave it up to you, dear reader, to explore the full story online.
Goncharov also has its own dedicated soundtrack, or soundtracks, all uploaded to Spotify by mega-fans of the movie.
To give you an idea of the extent of this meme, it appears to have surpassed Avatar levels of popularity.
On fan fiction site Archive of Our Own, there are now more story entries for Goncharov than there are dedicated to James Cameron’s Avatar, the fourth-highest grossing film in history.
Bringing people to tears
Some fans are at odds over various details in the film. For example, is Goncharov’s rival named Andrey or Andrei?
But there is one thing they can all agree on: It’s the best mafia film ever made.
Goncharov fans speak about the film with reverence and nostalgia.
“Goncharov changed my life. Best Scorsese movie for sure (after Taxi Driver),” wrote one Twitter user.
“Their story is so tragic I almost cry many times watching the movie.”
“[I] still remember watching it with my friends,” said another.
“We were awestruck by the man De Niro, especially in the Police station sequence. Martin Scorsese & De Niro at their best.”
The official Tumblr Twitter account also spoke of Goncharov’s profound impact.
“Goncharov was inexplicable ahead of it [sic] time and it’s contribution to cinema is remarkable. Rarely does a film tell as many diverse-yet-interconnected stories,” it said.
“Hard to imagine so few ppl have seen it.”
Star Trek actor Wil Wheaton also chimed in on the topic.
Asked on Tumblr for his thoughts on the film, Wheaton had a positively glowing review.
“It was such an important part of so many careers, and it’s been lost for so long, I’m really happy that it’s enjoying a revival and finding a new, larger audience,” he said.
“If you scroll back through my blog, you can read my memory of seeing it in the early 80s.”
What the ‘stars’ have to say
Goncharov is being heralded as Scorsese’s best, but it’s unclear whether the legendary director is actually aware of the project’s existence.
He’s yet to acknowledge it, though some are hopeful that this will change, and that he’ll bring Goncharov to life for its 50th anniversary.
While Scorsese’s is yet to chime in, one high-profile Hollywood figure made a hilarious contribution to the Goncharov lore.
Wonder Woman actor Lynda Carter added to the conversation after some Tumblr users joked that she got her start in Hollywood playing ‘Dancer #2’ in the film.
Carter, an avid Tumblr user, joked: “I was offered a role in Goncharov, but I am too busy on Tumblr to do it.”
But not only was Carter in the film, she was also at the film’s premiere.
The actor also shared two black and white photos of herself and Henry Winkler captioned, ‘Me and ‘The Fonz’ at the premiere of Goncharov (1973) at Grauman’s Chinese Theatre.”
Meanwhile, Goncharov fans are creating plenty of havoc all over the internet.
Martin Scorsese’s Wikipedia page has been protected in recent days after an influx of cheeky contributors attempted to add Goncharov to his official filmography.
And The New York Times reports that popular movie review platform Letterboxd has removed several fake user reviews for the film.
Never-ending conversation about the film seems to be irritating people in the industry.
Neil Gaiman, the author behind comic book series The Sandman, appears to be sick of the joke.
“Reconsider your life choices. Stop now,” he said to a fan asking him about the film.
“Please. No more,” he told another.
“Is this truly the best use of your time?”
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