What the royals really want for 2021

With the news this week Prince Philip has gloriously declared he can “think of nothing worse” than everyone making a fuss about his 100th birthday in June – don’t you love the truculent old trouper – he’s most certainly resolving to be a party-pooper and spend the year in continued peace and quiet. Despite being the first senior male royal to make the milestone, and presumably receive a telegram from his wife, Buckingham Palace insiders say the Duke of Edinburgh wants nothing to do with it.But what are the rest of his family putting on their 2021 to-do lists? Most definitely, well probably, this …
THE QUEEN: While one was not amused by the fake Queen’s speech video that aired on that ghastly Channel 4 this Christmas, one is resolved to keep up with the young people in 2021. Having helped me Zoom, George tells me now I have to tackle something called “TokTik” and will need cranberry juice in order to do so. Have no idea what he is talking about, but will order the footman to add a splash of gin.

CAMILLA: I must not watch The Crown. I must not watch The Crown. Maybe just a few minutes wouldn’t hurt … No, I must not watch The Crown.
PRINCE CHARLES: Am delighted to discover I’ve swiped the title of Hardest Working Royal for the second year running, beating Anne again. At last! Take that, you over-achieving Olympian. Maybe Daddy will finally say well done to me. Or maybe not. Also, this year, Camilla reminds me I should always pick up the telephone if one of my lads says he needs to talk. It’s important to be there for your children, she says, adding the last time I missed Harry’s calls, it didn’t work out too well. To be fair, it wasn’t my fault, I was taking an Unleash Your Inner King webinar at the time, which was most empowering, full of tips on how to make a princely pivot. This will be the year of me!

PRINCE WILLIAM: I will FaceTime Harry and Meghan and thank them for their kind Christmas gifts. Assure them we are looking forward to trying the delicious super-lattes they sent and have listened avidly to their first Archewell Audio podcast of meaningful lessons. Do not mention “tweny, tweny”.
CATHERINE: I will continue to pretend I don’t know Wills is using all my Kerastase super-gloss shampoo and that he doesn’t have any hair.
MEGHAN: In 2021 I will 1) officially launch the Archewell Foundation, 2) save the world, 2) cobble together a couple of award-winning documentaries and 3) continue to produce motivational podcasts, while 4) expanding my side-hustle of becoming a billionaire businesswoman, for a little bit of down-time.
PRINCE HARRY: What Meghan says.
PRINCESS EUGENIE: Buy nappies. Bank enough sleep to last the year. Ask if Catherine has any nice baby gear she could hand me down: she does and she knows it.
PRINCE ANDREW: If I stay really quiet at home, hopefully everyone will forget I existed.
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