What Bat-flicks deserve a Movie Medal of Honour from Commissioner Gordon himself? And which ones should never have been permitted to leave the Batcave?So tell Alfred to warm up the Batmobile, and let’s start revving up through the countdown, shall we?10. Batman & Robin (1997)George Clooney (still living down those Bat-nipples) and Chris O’Donnell (still hard to believe he was ever a movie star) were the most undynamic duo to ever suit up for duty as The Dynamic Duo. The villains are better, but that’s not saying much: Arnold Schwarzenegger is Mr Freeze (a once-brilliant doctor who fell into a tub of toxic coolant) and Uma Thurman is Poison Ivy (a once-brilliant scientist who fell into a tub of snake venom and steroids). Poor old Elle Macpherson was relegated to the window-dressing zone in a minuscule role as Bruce Wayne’s girlfriend. Elsewhere, Alicia Silverstone gets an excruciatingly dull motorcycle race sequence to boost her falling stocks as Batgirl. Best enjoyed by sheltered 8-14 year-olds, who will readily forgive the repetitive use of “take that, ah, ha, ha ha, hahhh!!!”-style dialogue.9. Batman Forever (1995)Val Kilmer certainly looked the part in his Batsuit, but he never looked all that interested in what was going around him. Val’s dozy, distant Batman was not the kind of Caped Crusader to stamp any assignment as “urgent”, which was just the creative mini-trampoline needed for two silly supervillains to bounce for overacting gold (Tommy Lee Jones as Two-Face and Jim Carrey as The Riddler).Then there is a miscast Nicole Kidman enduring some horribly sexist treatment as the movie’s lightweight love interest, criminal psychiatrist (even the character name is awful) Chase Meridian. The whole shambolic shebang is a tough watch these days, so mid-1990s it genuinely hurts.8. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)The first Bat-movie to dare flap its wings after the conclusion of the Dark Knight trilogy was always gonna look like a dodgy second-hand motor with a flash new paint job. No surprise, then, that the title’s attention-grabbing promise of a spectacular superhero smackdown turned out to be a bit of a fizzer. Ben Affleck stayed just north of OK for most of this long, long movie, while Henry Cavill as Superman remained south of that dividing line. Whenever the adrenalised action sequences subsided, the lumpy sub-plotting moved like wet cement down a slight incline. Which is primarily why the movie is only remembered these days for giving the world its first glimpse of Gal Gadot in her Wonder Woman garb.7(b). Batman (1966)THWACK! KAPOW! THUD! The hyper-camp TV series from the 1960s served as an important gateway to the Bat-tastic world of Gotham City for several generations of Bat-fans.Most people often forget the small-screen series spawned a cheap’n’cheesy movie spin-off, which is still a hoot from start to finish more than fifty years later. Adam West (as Batman) and Burt Ward (Robin) are having a whale of a time here, and so will you. If you have any doubts, just zero in on the unforgettable action sequence where Batman will do anything to stop a catastrophic explosive device from harming a small raft of fluffily feathered Gotham ducks.7(a). The Lego Batman Movie (2017)Don’t discount this animated offering just because it hails from a screen universe where “everything is awesome”. In addition to being an astonishingly well-written action comedy, the film also dissects and expands the myth of Gotham City’s Caped Crusader in an incisive manner that has eluded most non-Dark Knight Bat-flicks. The Batman we meet here (voiced with a ridiculously fitting dude-bro rasp by Will Arnett) is living a dual existence that has brought him to the brink of obsolescence. Sure, Batman might still be a superhero by day. At night, however, Batman is a superzero, invariably popping some lobster thermidor in the microwave, and watching Jerry Maguire alone on his couch. What better time could there be for The Joker to solicit every big-screen no-good-nik you could possibly imagine — from Suicide Squad’s Harley Quinn to Harry Potter’s Lord Voldemort — to take advantage of this Bat-depression?6. Batman (1989)The first of the Michael Keaton Batmans is just a mite dated when placed under a contemporary microscope. Nevertheless, its importance as a motion picture cannot be understated. This, right here, is ground zero for the modern superhero movie – in terms of money spent, ambitions raised, themes explored and fun — yes, fun — to be had. At the forefront of the movie (which carries just the right levels of respect and reckless disregard for Batman’s starry history in the DC Comics galaxy) is a cracking acting duel between Michael Keaton’s battle-scarred Bat/Bruce and Jack Nicholson’s wacked-out reading of The Joker. Factor in a game-changing production design, Tim Burton’s top-notch direction, a complete soundtrack composed by the late, great Prince, and a confident narrative rhythm that barrels along at a nifty pace, and you’re strapped in for a rollicking ride until the very end.5. Batman Returns (1992)No sequel-it is was ever gonna stop this fine follow-up from transcending its predecessor.Michael Keaton kept right on expanding and deepening all aspects of the character, and director Tim Burton was still clearly excited enough by the source material to bring his absolute A-game: at once absolutely mainstream, and totally bonkers. As added bonuses, you get three primo support players for the price of one: Danny DeVito as The Penguin, Christopher Walken as Max Shreck and a purrrrrr-fectly cast Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman. Peaks with such an intensely dramatic finale – Keaton again at his very best – that even now, you’re left wishing the same creative combo got to do a third.4. The Batman (2022)Is it still too early in the day to rank the new Bat-movie on the block so highly? Nope. Not at all. Though The Batman does not reap a maximum payout from all the chances it takes with the contradictory histories of the Caped Crusader, his alter ego Bruce Wayne and the corruption-rotted metropolis of Gotham City, a rich dividend is still there for all to collect. Not only do we get a very good — and every so often, undeniably great — motion picture for the price of our ticket. We also get to witness the unveiling of a new dark, uncertain and conflicted Batman. A Batman perfectly suited to the dark, uncertain and conflicted times in which we now live. As portrayed by Robert Pattinson, the title character of The Batman differs from every other cowled crime-fighter who held the keys to the Batmobile before him. In the best possible ways.3. Batman Begins (2005)The title is no lie. Batman Begins marked a fresh new start for the Caped Crusader, courtesy of a visionary director carefully and creatively laying the foundations for what was to become the peerless Dark Knight trilogy. The movie kicks off with Bruce Wayne (Christian Bale) having ditched his plush mansion digs for a punishing stretch in a grotty Chinese prison, only to be busted out by the mysterious crime lord Ducard (Liam Neeson). However, Bruce turns his back on the dark side, preferring instead (after blowing Ducard’s HQ to smithereens) to return to Gotham in an attempt to loosen the vice-like grip of corruption putting the squeeze on his home town. Equally at home channelling Bruce’s interior turmoil or the Bat’s exterior heroism, Bale masterfully escorted Batman back to his true beginning: the crucial moment when it finally dawned on him that “it is not who I am underneath, it is what I do that defines me.”2. The Dark Knight Rises (2012)To complete his astonishingly ambitious Dark Knight trilogy, filmmaker Christopher Nolan took a swing for the fences as if his life — and your faith in major motion pictures — depended on it. Not only did Nolan hit the ball right out of the park. He smacked the thing right out of this world. The story picks up some eight years after the completion of The Dark Knight, with the Caped Crusader (played by steely composure by Christian Bale) forced out of self-imposed exile when a band of nuclear-armed anarchists hold Gotham City to ransom. The lead bad guy is Bane, a metal-muzzled menace that cannot fail to provoke both outright fear and fascination in viewers due to the brilliant acting of Tom Hardy. The storytelling, special-effects and action sequences all took mainstream filmmaking at the time to the next level. The highest compliment that can be paid to this extraordinary work is that it simultaneously meets, raises and defies all expectations of those who were aboard the trilogy from day one.1. The Dark Knight (2008)The best Batman movie of them all is both a superhero movie par excellence, and also an angrily adrenalised crime thriller that does not underestimate the intelligence of its audience for a moment.The movie begins with the Bat going through something of an identity crisis, trying to figure out where he fits in with a new order of justice now taking hold in Gotham.The popular face of good in the face of widespread evil is District Attorney Harvey Dent (Aaron Eckhart), a gung-ho legal eagle who is making serious progress against the mob by sticking to the letter of the law.Meanwhile, Batman’s sure-handed brand of vigilante tactics is beginning to attract its share of doubters. Bizarrely, it comes to pass that one of the few people left in Gotham that truly believes in Batman (Christian Bale) is none other than The Joker (Heath Ledger), who devotes his time purely to taunting, testing (and possibly, unmasking) his distracted rival.The gloomy gravitas exuded by Bale in the lead role is just the black backdrop Ledger needs to stage one of the most spectacular bursts of acting pyrotechnics ever unleashed by an Australian on screen.His work here is a wonder to behold, as is The Dark Knight itself: inspired, wired and totally compelling in every scene.THE BATMANS (in their Bat-ing Order)1. CHRISTIAN BALEAnchored the best three movies of the lot. Packed the best combo of the physical and the psychological of the lot.2. MICHAEL KEATONDid all the heavy lifting needed to persuade modern audiences to take the Batman phenomenon seriously.3. ROBERT PATTINSONEarly days yet, but the former Twilight twi-hard is off to a flyer. More to come, too.4. BEN AFFLECKWas on to something in the way he handled the Bat/Bruce balance. A shame the movies were not to his own standards.5. ADAM WESTThis fella could do something all the others could not: he danced the Bat-tusi.6. VAL KILMERNot the worst of the One-Bat Wonders. But only because of the uncharacteristically inert effort of the bloke at number 7.7. GEORGE CLOONEYDid well to become a box-office superstar after this misfire, didn’t he?
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