“I took for granted what I assumed was my right to speak, not just what I lived through but what I knew,” the actor said about the case in a Friday night sit-down with Savannah Guthrie on NBC’s Dateline, reports The New York Post.“I’m terrified,” Heard added when asked if she was scared she might be sued again by Depp.“I guess that’s what a defamation lawsuit is meant to do, it’s meant to take your voice.”The full interview with Guthrie aired at 8pm after multiple teasers were dropped throughout the week.Despite the jury ruling earlier this month that Heard, 36, had smeared her “Pirates of the Caribbean” ex with the abuse allegations, she insisted she stands by “every word” of her testimony.In fact, Heard doubled down on the allegations that Depp abused her during their “ugly” marriage — and bluntly accused him of lying after he repeatedly denied her claims on the stand during the six-week trial.At one point in the interview, Guthrie noted that Depp testified he’d never struck Heard during their relationship and that “not one woman has come forward and said he physically hit them.”Heard responded by hinting that Depp’s other exes may have been too afraid to publicly accuse him of alleged abuse.“Look what happened to me when I came forward. Would you?” she said.She went on to explain her motivation for speaking out publicly after being probed by Guthrie.“One thing I can tell you is one thing I’m not is vindictive. There’s no part of me that sees any … This would be a really lousy way to get vengeance,” Heard said.“I’m not a good victim, I get it. I’m not a likeable victim. I’m not a perfect victim, I get it. I’m not a saint. I’m not asking anyone to like me,” she said.“What I learned in that trial is, it’s never going to be good enough,” she said about the jury’s failure to believe her testimony.“If you have proof then it was a scheme, it was a hoax. If you don’t have proof it didn’t happen. If you have a bruise, it’s fake. If you don’t have a bruise, then violence clearly didn’t hurt you. If you told people, then you’re hysterical. If you didn’t tell anyone, it didn’t happen.”Heard said she plans to appeal the court’s decision to award Depp more than $10 million in damages and hoped the interview would balance out “very very real fears others [abuse accusers] may have of coming forward and speaking out”“I hope this doesn’t have the chilling effect that I worry it may have on other people,” she said.Heard also admitted she “absolutely” still loves Depp and bears “no bad feelings” toward him.Asked if there was one thing she wished the jury could have seen during the trial, Heard said there are documents from her doctor that “represented years, years of real-time explanations of what was going on.”“There’s a binder worth of years of notes dating back to 2011 from the very beginning of my relationship that were taken by my doctor, who I was reporting the abuse to,” Heard said at one point in the interview.Deadline reviewed notes from the binders and found that her therapist had written things like “He hit her, threw her on floor” and “He threw her against a wall and threatened to kill her.”Heard said she was not confident on the day of the verdict, claiming the trial seemed to have already been decided in the court of opinion“I think a majority of this trial played out outside of the courtroom unfortunately. I think a vast majority of this trial was played out on social media. And I think this trial is an example of that run amok,” Heard said, arguing that the jury must have been influenced by Depp’s fans at the courthouse and online.The jury eventually sided with Depp, due to “non-stop relentless testimony from paid employees,” she alleged.“I don’t blame them. I actually understand he’s a beloved character and people feel they know him. He’s a fantastic actor,” she said, while admitting she should have owned up to some of her own bad behaviour to curry favour with jurors.“I did do and say horrible and regrettable things throughout my relationship,” Heard told Guthrie. “I have so much regret.”“You know, Savannah, as silly as it is to say this out loud … my goal, the only thing I could hope for at this point, is I just want people to see me as a human being.”This article first appeared on the NY Post and has been reproduced with permission.
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