Former High Court judge Virginia Bell’s report into the multiple ministries of Scott Morrison says the debacle caused confidence in government to “plummet to realistic levels”.
It was revealed Scott Morrison sco-vertly sco-wrote the report with his fellow Scott Morrisons, PM Scott Morrison and Morrison, Scott Esq.
“Writing the report did my heads in,” said one of the Scott Morrisons to himself.
A grateful nation has thanked Mr Morrison for being Australia’s most single-handed Cabinet ever.
Meanwhile, Josh Frydenberg thinks he should have made himself prime minister.
Federal MPs rushing to get corruption finished before new ICAC
The government’s integrity watchdog bill will pass the Parliament when it stops licking its mid-winter balls. Hopefully, it is upper-house trained and won’t just chase its tail.
Drafting the anti-corruption law was mistakenly left up to politicians.
Under the government’s model, public hearings will only be held in “exceptional circumstances”, such as wrongdoing by the Opposition.
“We want to avoid witch-hunts and turkey shoots,” said a politician in the trunk of a car. “We prefer kangaroo courts due to kangaroos’ refusal to speak beyond expressing their disappointment – ‘tch tch tch’.”
Cultural appropriation lacks ‘lived experience’ of cultural appropriation
Writing NSW are running a workshop exploring ‘fraught questions of cultural appropriation’.
Questions will include: “Should all books be memoirs with only one character?”
An approved example of ‘writing from lived experience’ is Star Wars creator, George Lucas. He was born half-princess/half-wookie on a distant planet and was his own father.
Writers whose plots show signs of cultural appropriation are advised to lose the plot. Then, having lost the plot, they’ll be government-funded until said plot is located.
Writers creating Nazi characters are urged to be mindful of ‘positionality, responsibility and context’. One said, “All Nazis had mothers (except the one born of a jackal).”
To be safe, writers are encouraged to only write about writers being encouraged to write about writers.
CSIROMG
The CSIRO’s State of the Climate biennial report claims Australia’s climate has warmed by 1.47°C, with greenhouse gases at the highest levels seen on Earth for two million years.
“If that’s true, why is it raining?” said Sky News After Dark.
The high-level specialist debate continues.
In other news …
POST MODERNIST PAINTER DIES OF ART FAILURE
$10 TRILLION IN CRYPTO SEEN FLOATING IN CLOUD
INQUIRY ACCUSES QLD COPS OF ACTING LIKE QLD COPS
COP27 VOWS POOR NATIONS WILL GET AID FROM ‘LOSS & DAMAGE’ FUND OR DIE TRYING
PEOPLE SHOCKED QATAR IS ANTI-QUEER, ANTI-BOOZE URGED TO BUY ATLAS
AMERICAN THANKSGIVING DOES NOT INCLUDE AN APOLOGY
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