I came across this photo (see below) of supermodel Bella Hadid this week on a fashion website and was amused to read the caption: “Bella is serving looks …. and dished up an outfit that combined some of the hottest trends of the moment”.
We all know that the internet is a demanding beast and fashion content has largely turned to mundane drivel about celebrity manicures and messy buns. They will caption any casual outfit that some poor unsuspecting celebrity is wearing on their coffee run and make it fashion.
But this one with Bella really did make me laugh. If you substituted this glamorous, super-slim young woman with someone like say, me for example, then that is literally the worst outfit going. Kath from Kath & Kim would be thrilled, because it’s peak Fountain Gate.
May I start with a disclaimer to make the point that I am criticising the outfit, not the person in it. I have learned from experience that people on social media will sometimes accuse me of “shaming”, when all I am doing is critiquing the actual clothing.
Bella looks fine, she’s a model, she’s 26 and I’m a fashion critic. I’m just trying to make sense of fashion trends for the average woman. This is Karen-at-the-RSL-core. Or maybe Kath-core.
First let’s dissect the culotte pants. For anyone over 50, actually anyone, this is a terrible pant length. Straight-leg pants chopped at three-quarter length are just screaming out for perforated health sandals and a sun visor.
Better choices would be a fitted pant with a kick flare, or slim capri pant, long wide pants, roomy chinos or a silky cargo pant – anything, just not these daggy mid-length culottes. I can’t think of a single way to accessorise this style of pant that would look cool – maybe an oversized black or white cotton shirt with the sleeves rolled up and a chic leather sandal, and a great sunhat. But it’s still a reach.
Then there is the big shirt open over a white singlet. It’s the shacket look. I’m not a fan. It’s something I wanted to like but I can’t. It’s okay on the younger girls over a bra top, but on me, with a large bust, well I look like a walking fridge.
I think you should commit – it’s either a shirt or it’s a jacket, say a lovely summery short sleeve buttoned-up shirt, or a white tailored jacket over a tank top.
The combination of culottes, with a singlet top and a big open shirt suggests you no longer have a waist, and weirdly Bella has one of the smallest waistlines going. My mother wore this combo when she was in her 80s, bless, and I see it everywhere, but am doing my best to stay out of that particular territory.
Bella has paired this look with a white ballet, which I would suggest will be grey ballets by the end of the day.
Again, this awkward pant length doesn’t leave much of a shoe choice. Maybe a wedge sandal, or an ankle-tied espadrille could have elevated the look.
The hoop earrings are good, hate the serrated headband.
Anyway, stay tuned for the next instalment of someone going to the shops with no makeup in pyjamas pants, Crocs and a ripped T-shirt.
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