They just can’t let go. Parents want to give their kids more independence, but can’t bring themselves to do it.
That’s the conclusion of a new study from the University of Michigan C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital. While parents believe it’s crucial for elementary school kids to do things “away from direct adult supervision,” there is “a sizable gap between parent attitudes and actions,” the study found.
How sizable? Less than 25 percent of parents will let their kids, ages five to eight, prepare their own snacks. Only half the parents of kids ages nine to 11 were willing to let their children go fetch an item from another aisle at the store. The majority of those same parents were also unwilling to let them walk to a friend’s home, or play in the park with one. Just 15 percent would let their kids trick or treat without adult supervision.
These results suggest that parents may be unintentionally depriving their kids of the “experience and confidence” necessary to become functioning adults. Parents seem aware of this, the study found. But they are just too afraid to loosen their grip.
The top parental fear is—no surprise—safety. The parents of the 9-to-11-year-olds “worry someone might scare or follow their child.” However, only 17 percent actually felt they live in an unsafe neighborhood. Parents also worry that their child isn’t ready to do things on their own, or doesn’t want to. But then there’s the fear of being judged as bad parents, or having the cops called on them.
The upshot is that unless something changes, this generation of parents is stuck; they’re regretful that they’re helicoptering but unable to stop.
As many Reason readers know, this is precisely why I co-founded Let Grow about five years ago—along with Dan Shuchman, the longtime chairman of the Foundation for Individual Rights and Expression, Peter Gray, a professor who studies . Our mission is to make it easy, normal, and legal for parents to give kids more independence.
Aside from helping to pass “Childhood Independence” bills in eight states, we are also working to loosen the helicopter parenting death grip that exists throughout schools. We call it the Let Grow Experience. The centerpiece of the experience is a homework assignment teachers can give students once a month that says: “Go home and do something new, on your own, with your parents’ permission—but without your parents.”
That little push from the school makes it easier to let go. And when all the kids in a school are doing “Let Grow Projects” like walking the dog, running errands, or getting themselves to school, parents have the added comfort of knowing everyone else is letting go, too. That makes it normal.
American parents don’t mean to be undermining their kids. But thanks to inflated fears and stifling norms, that’s what, accidentally and collectively, we are doing. It’s never too late to stop.
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