Thanksgiving is a time for turkey. Yet for some people, turkey is a year-round reality, as they have one that may have once resided in their garage. Here’s our list, and then, take a minute to be grateful that these turkeys are no longer in new car dealerships. Oh, could you pass the turkey gravy please?
Fiat 500L
(2014-2022)
Why it’s foul: With lumpy looks only a Pope could love, the 500L is proof of former CEO Sergio Marchionne’s contempt for his customers. He actually thought they would buy one. With awkwardly lumpy looks, this Fiat was neither fast nor fun to drive. Its cabin was noisy and its ride stiff. Its sole advantage was its total lack of popularity, making it easy to spot in a parking lot.
Ford EcoSport
(2018-2022)
Why it’s foul: Odd munchkin looks, poor interior quality and a tight rear seat set the stage for the main course: lousy driving dynamics. But it was affordable, which is perhaps its finest trait. Still, as the old axiom goes, you get what you pay for, so the EcoSport may not cost much, but it doesn’t deliver much either.
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GMC Envoy XUV
(2003-2005)
Why it’s foul: Every bit as unpopular for GMC as it was Studebaker 40 years before, GMC put a sunroof over the cargo hold, not the passenger compartment. That said, it allowed the Envoy XUV to convert into a pickup truck, although its 1,208-pound payload was too low to make it useable – especially if you’re hauling an appliance. While GMC expected the XUV to account for one-third of Envoys sales, it never came remotely close to that.
Honda Crosstour
(2010-2015)
Why it’s foul: You can see why the Crosstour was never popular by just taking a look at it. Being 2.5 inches longer, 2 inches wider, and 7.6 inches higher than the Honda Accord certainly improved its functionality. But it did nothing to improve its appearance. Looking more like a Honda with a glandular condition, it’s little wonder that the automaker had trouble selling each and every one.
Jaguar X-Type
(2002-2008)
Historic Auctioneers
Why it’s foul: Ford Motor Company gussied up the front-wheel-drive Ford Mondeo, marketed as the Ford Contour in the United States, with a ton of vintage style in an attempt to compete with the rear-wheel-drive BMW 3 Series. No one but Ford executives were convinced with the results. In addition to not feeling like a true Jaguar, premature gearbox troubles further damaged its reputation.
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Lincoln Blackwood
(2002)
Why it’s foul: You could tell that Ford Motor Company was being run by a European given the specs of this luxury pickup. If that alone seems like an oxymoron, consider that it came with a cargo bed lined in aluminum and carpet and topped it with a cargo bed cover that couldn’t be removed. It proved to be better for hauling polo mallets than garden pallets. Lincoln pulled the plug after 3,356 were built, making it the shortest-lived Lincoln in history.
Mazda MX-30
(2022-2023)
Why it’s foul: While it looked good and handled well, the MX-30 never struck a chord with American buyers for one simple reason: it lacks sufficient range. Its EPA rating of 100 miles of EV range might have been acceptable in 2002, but not 2022. But this car was never about pleasing the public. It was built at a loss to placate the unelected overlords at the California Air Resources Board, whose oppressive regulations must be met in order for Mazda to sell cars in California.
Mitsubishi Mirage
(2014-2024)
Why it’s foul: If any vehicle proves the Mitsubishi’s automaking abilities are not what they used to be, look no further than this unfortunate economy car. With a lack of power, poor handling and a cheap interior, its low price is this joyless ride’s sole reason for being.
Nissan Murano CrossCabriolet
(2011-2014)
Why it’s foul: It’s rumored that this vehicle came about as a result of former Nissan CEO Carlos Ghosn’s wife, who desired a topless Murano. The result was an odd-looking bump that lacked sex appeal, decent driving dynamics, or storage space. And no one with Y-Chromosome would be caught driving one, given its array of vibrant pastel paint colors.
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Pontiac Aztek
(2001-2005)
Why it’s foul: What started as a decent-looking concept. Was sabotaged by corporate bean-counters, who asserted it be built on the corporate GM’s minivan platform. The resulting vehicle was astonishingly ugly. So much so, opening the optional tent improved its looks. Yes, it had its clever features, such as a center console that doubles as a portable cooler, it wasn’t enough to combat a design that seems to have emanated from the drawing board of a blind man.
Smart ForTwo
(2008-2019)
Why it’s foul: When the ForTwo reached the United States, it was already ten years old and powered by a Mitsubishi engine, not the German engines seen in Europe. Given its Lilliputian size, you’d expect stellar fuel economy from this rolling phone booth. But you’d be mistaken. Produced as a joint venture between Mercedes-Benz and Swatch, the Smart’s name appeared to be a misnomer, as larger vehicles outdid its fuel economy.
Volkswagen Routan
(2009-2012)
Why it’s foul: After the retro-inspired New Beetle concept went into production in the late 1990s, it appeared that the 2001 Microbus concept would follow. But in a fit of self-induced failure, VW ignored the Microbus’ popularity and fielded the Routan instead. Fundamentally it was little more than a more upscale Chrysler Town & Country in VW drag. The Routan continued to demonstrate VW officials total lack of understanding the U.S. market despite retailing vehicles here for decades.
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