KANYE BELIEVE IT?
US rapbag, Kanye West has announced he will run for US president in November. But is America ready for a second comedian in chief?
A pollster who got it grossly wrong last time said, “Kanye will split Trump’s pink-faced pillock vote.”
Kanye West said, “We must now realise the promise of America by trusting God.” God, the creator of Heaven, Earth and the coronavirus, was unavailable for comment.
Comedians of the world are backing Kanye. One said, “Jokes about Trump are getting as old as Joe Biden.”
West’s announcement speech was rudely interrupted by Taylor Swift.
GOTH ACCUSED OF NIHILIST LANGUAGE
A Goth has been sacked for making “Nihilist comments in the workplace”.
A co-worker angrily said, “His acknowledgement of the pointlessness of life suspended in an endless void made me uncomfortable.”
The Goth said, “That job meant nothing to me. I’ve had it up to the velvet choker with selling Meaning of Life Insurance.”
His boss was disappointed. “We thought he’d finally found his nietzsche in life.”
The Goth went home to his insignificant other.
A-PAULINE BEHAVIOUR
One Nation Front leader Pauline Hanson has been fired as a paid commentator from Nine’s Today program. She shocked and surprised the network with “ill-informed and divisive” comments about immigrants who can’t talk English right but.
“Who saw this coming?” asked a bewildered TV executive. “When you hire someone for inappropriate comments, you don’t expect them to make inappropriate comments. I’m as shocked as the next guy, so long as the next guy is a Nine exec.”
Executives have angrily taken sides over which comments were ‘divisive’.
Senator Hanson was quoted on Whitefacebook saying, “I’m struggling to see what I said that was so controversial”. Presumably, this is due to her language difficulties.
A free-to-air TV executive enjoying their last moments of relevance said, “Pauline claims to speak from her heart. That would explain the verbal arrhythmia.”
NEO-NUTSY OUTRAGE
A group of seven young neo-Nutsies took their own photo flashing the Hitler salute at the Swinburne University of Technology in Melbourne because nobody was around to ridicule them.
They bravely covered their faces so their mums didn’t find out.
Their supremely white and pasty leader ordered his boys to keep a stiff upper arm. He refused to get down from his soapbox, claiming it was a goose-stepladder.
Police suspect the boys study gastroenterology because of their claim to be, “an unstoppable movement.”
In other news …
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- JETSTAR COVID CRISIS: “ALARM BELLS SHOULD HAVE RUNG WHEN THE PLANE TOOK OFF ON TIME”
- CANCEL CULTURE CANCELS CULTURE
- MELBOURNE HOTEL QUARANTINE HOTSPOT FOR SEX TOURISM
The post <i>The Ferguson Report</i>: Kanye believe it? US could have a second joker-in-chief appeared first on The New Daily.
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