VISIBLE WIND TURBINES HAVE NO FANS
The Albanese government is planning hundreds of gigantic off-shore wind turbines.
But there is blowback and forth.
A Gippsland gipp-farmer said, “How much of the environment will we sacrifice in the name of the environment?”
“All of it,” said a greenie turning red (on the outside).
The wind turbines stand 350 metres above sea level, a sight for sore eyesores.
The viewable renewables could save lives. A drowning man might clutch at a 350-metre-tall wind turbine.
“Turbines will spoil the view,” complained a son of a beach-bunny. “If we just keep burning coal, the ocean view will get closer.”
Anti-wind turbine protesters are planning to glue themselves to the ocean.
U.S. DECLARES TOTAL PEACE ON RUSSIA
The United States has agreed to send 31 M1 Abrams battle tanks to Ukraine in the name of peace.
“Tanks for nothing!” said Ukraine President Zelensky.
German tanks are also heading into Ukraine, but in a nice way – not like the old days.
“Despite appearances, we’re not at war with Russia,” said US Army General Cluster. “These days, other people fight our wars for us.”
Top secret documents found in US President Joe Biden’s garage reveal “Putin plans to decimate and bomb Alaska”.
Correction: “Putin plans to masticate Bombe Alaska.”
Joe Biden insists Ukraine is not another Vietnam. “The food is different and this is not the ’60s. That was a decade ago.”
INFLATION INFLATING
Increased power and food expenses mean Aussies cannot have their cake and cook it too.
People are tightening their belts. That is, if they can afford belts.
“A penny for your thoughts,” offered a total banker, “and your future.”
Economists are backing a ninth consecutive interest rate rise, and a trifecta on the fourth at Randwick.
New Zealand reckons it owns the Manuka name. No way, say Australian honey producers.
MANUKA HONEY CURES EVERYTHING BUT GULLIBILITY
Australia has beaten New Zealand for the naming rights of Manuka honey. This has outraged the Manuka honey’s inventors – bees.
Beekeepers have accused bees of having a chip on their pollen basket.
A protest was held at an Auckland Beekeeping Convention. The place was buzzing.
There’s not enough evidence that Manuka honey’s magic ingredient, Methylglyoxal, does any good inside the body.
Naturopaths agree this lack of scientific evidence increases its value.
In other news…
BEST ANSWER TO “WHAT ARE WE CELEBRATING?” GETS TO PICK NEW AUSTRALIA DAY
BANNING OF INFLATABLE SEX TOYS A BIG LET DOWN
PROPOSAL TO TURN KOSCIUSKO BRUMBIES INTO ‘EXTREME PONY RIDES’
OLDEST COMPLETE MUMMY FOUND IN CAIRO TOMB FULL OF CLASSIFIED U.S. DOCUMENTS
TRUMP AND FACEBOOK RACING EACH OTHER TO BECOME MOST IRRELEVANT
VIRGINIA SCHOOL KNEW 6yo HAD GUN AFTER WARNING FROM TIP-ME-OFF ELMO
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