President-elect Joe Biden knows the pain of grief — and that makes him the leader America needs right now

• President-elect Joe Biden is public about his grief, and that could help millions of Americans grieving right now, sociologists tell Business Insider. 
• In 1972, Biden’s then-wife Neilia Hunter and their 13-month-old daughter Naomi died in a car accident.
• Then in 2015, Biden’s eldest son, Beau, the former attorney general of Delaware and a decorated veteran, died of brain cancer at age 46.
• Biden has become a symbol of mourning, speaking publicly about his pain in speeches and interviews.
• If you or someone you know is struggling with depression or has had thoughts of harming themselves or taking their own life, text “HOME” to the Crisis Text Line at 741741 or call The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 for 24/7, free, confidential support.
• Visit Business Insider’s homepage for more stories.

President-elect Joe Biden’s victory speech was different than most. Beneath the calls for hope and unity, there was a somber undercurrent. 

He read a verse from “On Eagle’s Wings,” a hymn very often played at funerals in the Catholic church. 

“And He will raise you up on eagle’s wings,

Bear you on the breath of dawn,

Make you to shine like the sun,

And hold you in the palm of His Hand,” Biden read. 

The president-elect mentioned, by name, his late son Beau Biden, the former attorney general of Delaware, who died in 2015 of brain cancer at the age of 46. 

“This is the time to heal in America,” the 77-year-old declared, repeating the word “heal” two other times throughout his speech.

After Biden was done speaking, fireworks lit up the night sky as Coldplay’s “Sky Full of Stars” blared through the speakers. The song was later revealed to be Beau’s favorite. Coldplay had played at his funeral. 

The following day, as millions of Americans continued to celebrate Biden’s win, the president-elect visited Beau’s gravesite. 

Biden, one of the most powerful men in the world, isn’t afraid to show that he’s grieving, that he’s vulnerable. 

Come January, he will inherit a nation that’s struggling to grieve the many who have died from the ongoing coronavirus pandemic and the opioid epidemic this year — a combined death toll of over 315,400 this year so far. The fact that he too is mourning could have a powerful impact on American society, possibly reshaping our shared notions of leadership, masculinity, and power.

Biden knows the impact of grief 

Purposefully or not, Biden has become a symbol for mourning. 

Besides losing Beau in 2015, the president-elect has also lost his first wife, Neila Hunter, and their baby daughter, Naomi, both of whom died in a car accident while out Christmas shopping in 1972. The then-senator was 29 years old.

Over the years, he’s given over 60 eulogies for friends, relatives, former staff members, and public figures, The New York Times reported. In June, he delivered a message to friends and loved ones of George Floyd, saying “You’re so brave.” 

And he’s shared the most intimate moments of his life with the world.

On Stephen Colbert’s “The Colbert Report” in 2017, Biden talked about his book “Promise Me, Dad.” 

The then former-vice-president recounted the evening he made a promise to Beau that he would continue on, and would keep living with a sense of purpose after his son’s death. “Promise me Dad you’ll be OK,” Beau had said. 

“That was the promise,” Biden said in the interview. 

When the late-night show talk host asked Biden why he wrote the book, Biden replied: “I wanted to give people hope — that through purpose you can find your way through grief.” 

Speaking to mourning military families in 2012, Biden talked about having suicidal thoughts as a result of grief. “For the first time in my life, I could understand how someone could consciously decide to commit suicide,” he said. 

In a conversation with Oprah, he described the last moments with Beau before he died. 

“Look, that’s what the soul is. The soul is eternity,” he said of that moment. 

America is getting a rare glimpse at a leader publicly acknowledging the role death, dying, and mourning plays in our lives. And it couldn’t come at a more important time. 

America is neck-deep in grief. And yet, as a country, we are not grieving. 

Nearly a quarter of a million Americans have died from the novel coronavirus, millions remain jobless, and the opioid epidemic is still raging. 

The coronavirus pandemic and its economic fallout could add as many as 150,000 deaths of despair — deaths by suicide or drug overdoses — over the next 10 years.

And the world is still recovering from what many call the “public lynching” of George Floyd, which sparked a national movement on racial injustice and the deaths of Black Americans by police. People of color, especially Black people, continue to deal with the trauma.  

A recent Penn State study showed that for every one person who died of COVID-19, nine people were left grieving. That’s over 2.2 million Americans in mourning right now.

The The Institute for Health Metrics and Evaluation at Washington University predicts there could be up to 440,000 total coronavirus deaths by March, meaning some 3.9 million Americans could soon be grieving. 

Grief and loss are “hidden” and “invisible” in American society, says Debra Umberson, professor of sociology and director of the Center on Aging and Population Sciences at the University of Texas at Austin. 

In the US, there is no law granting workers the right to paid time off to attend a loved one’s funeral or process the trauma of losing a family member. Instead, bereavement leave is up to the discretion of employers. Most American workers receive only three days to grieve the loss of a close family member; some receive none. 

Instead, American individualism and the strong work ethic that runs deep for many means that people are expected to soldier on despite grave losses. 

“The American spirit is ‘Well, you’re supposed to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and go back to work and get over it and not complain to people.’ And all of those things just make it harder to deal with loss,” Umberson said. 

“We aren’t collectively grieving right now,” she added. 

Biden could help the US heal 

By continuing to share his story, Biden has the potential to change the public discourse on mourning, according to Deborah Carr, professor and chair of the sociology department at Boston University. 

“I think he really has this opportunity to say to all people, but to men especially, ‘It’s OK to grieve. It’s OK to grieve publicly. It’s OK to grieve not on a set timetable. You don’t have to be all happy and jolly six months later,'” she told Business Insider.  

In a March interview with CNN, Biden encouraged anyone struggling with grief to reach out to his campaign. 

“Seek help,” Biden said. “And when you don’t have it, you’ve got to get help. And, by the way, call — I’m not going to give my phone. But anyway, those who have been through that, you can contact my campaign. I’m happy to try to talk to you. Not that I’m an expert but just having been there, I’m so sorry for you.”

Biden’s openness to talking about loss might encourage others to speak about their struggles. And speaking out could help them decide to get help.

Public health and public grief 

Grief — and perhaps especially, not grieving — can have major consequences to emotional, physical, and even public health. 

Dr. Eric Bui, a research director at Harvard-affiliated Massachusetts General Hospital, says that it can lead to chronic stress, depression, trouble sleeping, anxiety, loss of appetite, and unexplained physical pain. 

“Men may try to resist grief, but it’s important not to ignore these symptoms, as constant stress can put you at greater risk for a heart attack, stroke, and even death, especially in the first few months after losing someone,” Bui tells Harvard Men’s Health Watch. 

One of the doctor’s recommendations is to reach out to one’s support network. 

There’s a saying in the therapy world, “Grief shared is grief diminished.” Perhaps that’s why Biden continues to speak his mourning. 

“I think Biden’s presidency could become a turning point in our nation if we could come to see grief and bereavement as a public health problem that’s been unrecognized and invisible,” Umberson said. 

“It’s not that it hasn’t been impacting our health and wellbeing,” she added. “It’s just that we haven’t been talking about it.”