I’m a vegan who spent a week cooking with fake meat and fish. Here’s what I made with 7 plant-based alternatives and how I rated them.

I kicked off the week with The Curators Mushroom Burger.

Self-proclaimed foodies Max Rees and Ed Hauck set up The Curators in 2017, starting out with small-batch craft jerky.

The fact the brand’s burger patties are made of mushroom appealed to me, given that most burger alternatives are wheat-based seitan, or soy-based.

You can pretty much cook these however you like. The packet suggested sticking them in the oven for 12 to 16 minutes or pan-frying for 10 to 14 minutes, but also lists grill, BBQ, air cook, air fry, and deep fry as alternative ways to cook.

I also whipped up some homemade burger sauce, some pickle, and a little caramelized onion.

The serving suggestions seem helpful for anyone trying meat alternatives for the first time.

When I put everything together, the bun was a little small and crumbly so the stack just kind of fell apart. This made for messy eating, especially as the patty was quite thick, so finding the right bite ratio was a struggle. 

There was nothing sloppy about the patty itself. It was actually strangely firm — too firm. It felt like I was eating dozens of mushrooms flat-packed into the seemingly perfect patty. 

Every bite was clean; rubbery, almost. Nothing fell apart or got stuck in my teeth. It wasn’t bad, I was just very much aware of the fact I was eating a mushroom burger. 

Considering it is marketed as a mushroom burger and not as a beef alternative, I can’t be too critical about it feeling and tasting artificial, though. I like mushroom, but anyone who doesn’t and picks these patties up on a whim may be less forgiving. 

Overall, I did enjoy the burger and it wasn’t bloating or greasy but, for £3.99 ($5.52), I would probably go for a supermarket’s own-brand mushroom patties in the future.

The Curators mushroom burger score: 3/5

I’ve only ever tried one brand of vegan steak so was keen to give this Wheaty Virginia Steak a go.

Vegetarian steak can be pretty bland, but Germany’s Wheaty was not a brand I’d come across before.

The company is owned by TOPAS, a family-run firm founded in 1993 that is still owned by its founder Klaus Gaiser. Gaiser moved back to his native Germany in 1978 after living and studying in Asia and began making his own tofu for personal consumption.

Today, Gaiser’s Wheaty sells a range of plant-based meats including for gyros and doner kebab.

I made some garlic butter and topped the steak while it cooked. It looked so tasty sizzling in the pan, and I couldn’t wait to try it.

This steak looked impressive from the get-go, and I really hoped it would taste as good as it looked.

It was absolutely packed with spices, I couldn’t help but add to them with some homemade garlic butter. 

Once cooked, I thought Wheaty really aced the texture of this vegan steak. It was firm – you’ll still need a steak knife – but a lot more delicate than other seitan products I’ve tried. 

The top of the steak was also super crispy, adding a depth of texture often missing from plant-based alternatives. 

Taste-wise, it was peppery and not dissimilar from a plant-based beef burger patty. Would I have noticed if I’d served it with peppercorn sauce? Probably not. 

Coming in at £3.59 ($4.96), the steaks were slightly cheaper and much nicer than the mushroom burgers. 

Wheaty steak score: 5/5

It was the weekend and I wanted to recreate a fast-food-style breakfast with the Simon Howie Veggie Square Sausage.

Square — or Lorne — sausages are a staple in Scotland, UK. 

Considering “a little slice of veggie happiness” was written on the packet, front and center, I thought they looked a little gross. I wondered what those white bits were. They reminded me of black pudding, just, more beige.

Although I didn’t like the look of them, I thought that they did look like meat-based counterparts, which are made of minced meat, fat, and other mysterious parts of pig or, traditionally, beef.

 

They don’t take long in a pan and looked way more appetizing as they cooked. The color of the patties was spot on.

The patties looked a bit sad in the pan but became more appealing as they cooked, which only took five minutes. This is really quick compared with the 20 minutes or so most traditionally-shaped sausages take. 

One positive is that they flip really well, which makes for a nice even finish – is it time to say goodbye to food that rolls away and always ends up with one burnt side? 

The color, however, was great. Lorne sausages have a bright pinkness about them, and the meat-free alternative was no different. 

I also sliced up some tofu and coated it in spices, mostly turmeric, to act as an egg replacement. Meanwhile, there were hash browns cooking in the oven. 

 

Overall, I was pretty pleased with the outcome, if only the hash brown was square too!

The taste was pretty subtle, especially given the fake meat made up a small part of my breakfast feast. But, as I wolfed down my not-an-egg-McMuffin the flavor became more pronounced.

I liked the mild flavoring as in many cases plant-based products can be overwhelming because producers try to overcompensate with a host of spices.

Overall the meat-free sausages taste good, cooked really nicely, and were tender on the inside. While a little dry, I was glad there was no grease.

I coughed up just £2.75 ($3.80) for the pack, which is probably cheaper than the muffin I was trying to recreate. 

Simon Howie Veggie Square Sausage score: 4/5

Next up was the Future Farm Future Burger and I had high hopes as the brand is well-known.

Future Farm is probably the most well-known brand in the mix so it’s no surprise the packaging promises “taste and texture like meat.”

On its website, the company calls Future Burger its “darling” and also tells me the patty is heme-free. It is made from soy, pea, and chickpea.

Heme has been dubbed as somewhat of a secret sauce. Rivals Impossible Foods, which is reportedly aiming for a $10 billion listing valuation, claims the additive is what makes its products taste like meat.

I like that the packaging told me to ‘season with my favorite burger spices’, it made me feel like I was actually cooking instead of heating up another frozen burger.

The burgers looked really like meat due to the color and ground-meat texture, but didn’t expect anything less from Future Farm. 

They were really quick and easy to cook, with each side needing just three to four minutes on the heat.

Something that stood out were the instructions to season the burgers in your own way, making me feel like I was actually cooking.

 

It definitely looks and feels like the real thing…

I really liked the color of the patty and how it changed as it was cooked. I think little details like this add up to create an authentic meat-like experience.

There were no serving recommendations with this one so I went for cheese, lettuce, onion, and burger sauce with pickle. I loaded up with a side of sweet potato fries too.

Everything tied together nicely.  The patty was big, in a rounded but non-uniform shape that was thicker in the middle, and a little crunchy as I broke through the top layer to a juicy center.

I thought this patty emulated the texture of ground-up beef really well. Paired with the juiciness and depth of color, I felt like the producers had thought about every element.

For £3.99 ($5.52), I thought the two-pack was reasonably priced and hands down the best brand I tried in terms of taste and texture.

Future Burger score: 5/5

 

Next on the menu was Veganly Deli Provence Toorkey Fillet.

I’ve been loving the range of new deli products hitting the shelves in recent months so these turkey slices lured me in. 

The Veganly Deli says its products are all-natural and handmade in small batches, created by top-tier chefs.  It also claims to boast the likes of Facebook, Airbnb, and WeWork among its corporate clients.

The slices can be eaten hot or cold so I decided to heat them up and actually have them as the meat element of a roast, as I would never eat turkey other than on a Sunday dinner.

It looked like doner kebab meat but had the right ‘rip and tear’ texture.

I thought the turkey looked like the sad portion of meat you get as a kid for Christmas dinner at school.

I’m honestly not sure why this is branded as turkey because I thought it tasted more like chicken, if not just bland.

I expected it to be pre-spiced so didn’t add any other seasoning to it, but did roast potatoes with rosemary and garlic.

I thought this would bring out any traditional Thanksgiving-esque flavors the turkey may have, but sadly the product didn’t live up to my expectations. 

Animal-based turkey is quite dry but because this was sliced and, well, fake, it didn’t have that problem. It was a little bit chewy though, as with any thin deli meat. 

It was also the most expensive product I tried, coming in at £5.79 ($8), and I can’t say I’d buy it again.

It was my least favorite product. Maybe it would have been nicer in a sandwich instead of on a roast dinner, but I think I’ll just stick with a nut roast in the future. 

Veganly Deli Provence Toorkey Fillet score: 1/5

Can fake seafood mimic fish’s flaky texture? I was about to find out with this Novish Vish Burger.

Fake fish has taken its time to get on shelves, but interest is now on the rise.

The plant-based fish market is expected to grow by 28% between 2020 to 2030, with Europe currently dominating, according to Future Market Insights (FMI).

Netherlands-based Novish is one such firm thriving in the burgeoning sector. 

I liked that there was no soy in this product, which has become something of a unique selling point for plant-based producers as the market is dominated by soy. These Novish burgers are made with wheat and pea proteins instead.

I served up the fish with mushy peas and homemade chips, plus a side of curry sauce and plenty of salt and vinegar.

The fish took just seven minutes to cook, quicker than the frozen peas. 

For fish and chips, I normally wrap tofu in nori and batter it. This takes a while and has a very strong flavor but none of the textural characteristics of fish, so I was eager to see how this would fare. 

It looked exactly like a chicken fillet but thankfully didn’t taste like one. 

Look at that flaky texture — and it tasted good.

Inside the outer layer of crispy breadcrumbs was a soft, flaky center. The fish was very white and, while it initially it had a very mild flavor, the aftertaste was full-bodied and unmistakably fishy. 

The savory but slightly sweet fillet had a little grit to it. The fish didn’t fall apart as a non-plant-based option may, but I thought there was certainly a good effort made to achieve the right texture. I thought it was very close to the real thing. 

For £2.49 ($3.44), I will definitely be swapping nori-wrapped tofu out for this in the future. 

Novish Vish Burger score: 4/5

Last on the menu was VBites Hoi-sin Vduk.

Vbites promises chunks of hoisin duck, and chunks they were. 

From the get-go, they looked hard to chew but I was pleased to see they had B12 – a vitamin that usually comes from cheese and milk and in which vegans are sometimes deficient.

I thought the most interesting thing about this product was not the food, but that Heather Mills —  ex-wife of Beatle Paul McCartney — owns the brand. Linda McCartney, the musician’s first wife, has a competing vegetarian food range.

I followed a recipe I love and the noodles turned out pretty hearty.

I decided to spring for a stir fry, having failed in an excursion to find some pancakes.

I cooked the duck for about ten minutes with mushrooms, peppers, and noodles, topping the dish with spring onions to serve. I actually followed a recipe for spicy dan dan noodles, which I normally make with meatless mince, and made adjustments.

The result looked pretty good and I couldn’t wait to tuck in. The portion was big and, on reflection, I probably shouldn’t have used the full pack. 

I thought the duck pieces were soft but chewy. But it reminded me of fatty meat and really put me off.

I don’t know if was because I have only tried a shredded duck alternative before this, or because I used too much, but the duck was very dominating.

That being said, the meat was quite delicate. Not to the point that it fell apart, but it was gradually worn down. Bits of duck stuck to the noodles so everything was coated in hoisin.

I also thought the chunks were a little chewy despite their softness, and that they resembled the fat on meat, which was off-putting. 

Taste-wise, the vegetables and noodles were overshadowed by hoisin.

I’m really glad I tried this product, but I wouldn’t buy it again. At £2.85 ($3.95), though, it feels like great value for money if you’re a duck lover or feeding the family. 

VBites Hoi-sin Vduk score: 2/5

It’s great that plant-based options are on the rise.

I thought the Future Burger and Wheatly steak were the tastiest meat alternatives I tried, though the steak did just taste like a burger.

The Novish was a strong contender which, I think, shows how far the industry has come.

While I really like that plant-based food is no longer dominated by two options – falafel and spicy bean burgers – and I do get excited about new products, I also think that the attempt to recreate every animal-based product perpetuates the idea that meat should be the centerpiece of every meal.

I prefer a vegetable-based diet for health, and it also forces me to be more creative in the kitchen, but I did like the ease of the alternative meat options. Most were quick and easy to cook so are handy for a busy lifestyle, and, if a person is trying alternatives for the first time, they will know what to expect and what to cook with each product.

I can see myself buying some of these products again if they were available in a mainstream supermarket, but I don’t think they will be permanently replacing my reliance on jackfruit or chickpeas anytime soon.